Monday, December 5, 2011

Solving The Vikings Front Office Problems

To say this season for The Minnesota Vikings has not met expectations is like saying the venom from a cobra has a chance of being lethal.  NFL strike impact aside, the public was told by multiple persons on this team that "we have the talent to go to The Super Bowl this year (2011 season)"

By now it should be obvious that the Minnesota Vikings do not have the talent to get off the bottom of the NFC North division and thus do not have the talent to go to this season's Super Bowl. I have to apologize to Adrian Peterson, Jared Allen, Chad Greenway and Percy Harvin because their veteran leadership was driven on to the rocks of despair thanks to a sound bite spewing management type.  That is where the problem lies, the Vikings management and that is where the problem will be solved.

How do you solve this Front Office problem? It is simple. First you gather together every management person who spouted the phrase "we have the talent to win the Super Bowl this year" or a slight variation that maintains the key element of having the talent to win the Super Bowl this season. These people assemble in a conference room at Winter Park. Once everyone is there, security locks the room and allows no one in or out.

The first order of business is to determine who first said that the Vikings have the talent to win the Super Bowl this season (2011). Once this person is determined, said person is escorted out of the conference room to the owner's office, where he is told that his services are no longer required and has thirty minutes to gather their personal effects, leave their team identification, access, security and team issued credit cards on the owners desk and leave.

While this is happening, the remaining occupants in the conference room, are determining the identity of first person to repeat the phrase "we have the talent to win the Super Bowl this year."  Once this is determined, that person is then taken to the office of the Head of Security, where he is told that his services are no longer required, to turn over his team identification, access, security and team issued credit cards, wait while his personal effects are brought to him and then leave.

The remaining occupants are then charged with determining the identities of the next four persons who repeated the phrase. Once determined, these people are then taken to the press room where the team owner strips them of their credentials et al.

The team owner then returns to the conference room and escorts them out to a press conference in front of the building. The owner then holds a press conference about cleaning house and asks the remaining personnel from the conference room to hand over all team issued items and their personal effects will be delivered to their cars within the hour.

Then you establish an organizational structure of responsibility and accountability filling those positions with people who actually know something about football and evaluating talent.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Oh Superman

If we think of Jesus Christ as Superman, we are still presented with a problem. We do not know if the book of Matthew, Mark, Luke or John is the Siegel & Schuster origin story.

We have to take it on faith that the essence of the story remains the same whether it is told by Binder & Boring, Weissinger & Swan, Byrne, Wolfman & Ordway or Johns & Lee.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

For Your Consideration: Entitled Observers

A while back a friend and I were discussing "transparency" and hit upon something I called entitled observers. Entitled Observers are people who essentially go looking for stuff, ideas, topics in real life and online so that they can pass judgement or give their opinions where they have little or no vested interest. The extreme Entitled Observers end up being moralists, bigots and reactionaries. More subtle Entitled Observers are the nosy busy bodies who have to be "in" on all the cool stuff, secrets and/or gossip. The problem is that many of these people do not realize is that not everyone values their opinions as highly as they do nor should people be expected to change their behaviors just because others are uncomfortable or misunderstanding what they are doing. Live and Let Live, I say.

DC does market research.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

That's so real

"She's not so much a trophy wife as she is a participation ribbon wife:"  - Mike Gelfand (b. 195?); Radio personality; regarding Michaela Salahi, KQ Morning Show (KQRS-FM, 92.5 FM Minneapolis/St.Paul, MN), Sept 15, 2011, ~8:56am

Monday, July 4, 2011

DCpU Reboot: The Flash

The god Mercury, having offended both Hera and Zeus, is banished to Earth. He assumes the identity of Barry Allen, police forensics investigator and fights crime as.... The Flash!  (Coming when monkeys fly out my butt.)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

An Open Letter to Bill Smith, Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson.

I would like to offer my services to the Minnesota Twins bullpen. I can throw pitches that result in hitters making in-play contact AND I am cheaper than any bullpen pitcher you have. I will take the abuse for losing games which we should have won for league minimum.

I figure using me this season should save you enough money to sign a backup catcher who can call a ballgame half as good as the one with "bilateral leg weakness."

Think about it, because this season is over. Harmon Killebrew must be spinning in his grave as this season begins to resemble the Twins' seasons from 1973 to 1981. C'mon Cuddy, hit a touchdown!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Bummer about The Rapture, Dude.

Well.... it looks like "Christians" have to go back to turning the other cheek and loving thy neighbor as thyself. What a bummer for all the moral bullies.