An Open Letter to Bill Smith, Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson.

I would like to offer my services to the Minnesota Twins bullpen. I can throw pitches that result in hitters making in-play contact AND I am cheaper than any bullpen pitcher you have. I will take the abuse for losing games which we should have won for league minimum.

I figure using me this season should save you enough money to sign a backup catcher who can call a ballgame half as good as the one with "bilateral leg weakness."

Think about it, because this season is over. Harmon Killebrew must be spinning in his grave as this season begins to resemble the Twins' seasons from 1973 to 1981. C'mon Cuddy, hit a touchdown!