Tell me why.

I often wonder why I have a blog.
Does any of what I write here matter?
Does anyone read it? 
Does anyone like it?

Will anything that I write here be held against me?
Will anything that I write here change someone?
Will anything that I write here change the world?

By asking these questions, am I being avoidant?
By asking these questions, am I feeding my fear?
By asking these questions, am I tearing down my confidence?

Am I crippling myself because I am afraid?
Am I spinning my wheels because I want guaranteed acceptance of what I write?
Am I stuck in neutral because I want guaranteed praise of what I writes?

Am I afraid of criticism?
Am I afraid of being seen? 
Am I afraid of being heard?
Am I afraid of being acknowledged?
Am I afraid of being recognized?
Am I afraid of being wanted, desired?
Am I afraid that people will want to be around me?
Am I afraid that I will be smothered by people being around me?
Am I afraid that I will lose myself because people want to be around me?

So all these questions make me think that my logic is that if I write in my blog then I will lose myself because I want to please other people. That my blogging means that I will be some trained monkey who is dancing for the reward of acceptance from other people. How fucked up is that?